I used to feel bad for feeling bad because there are people in this world who have it a lot harder than me. But I soon learned that that doesn’t make my feelings or what I’m going through any less valid. I was and am entitled to feel crap about the shitty hand that’s been dealt to me. But at the same time, only I can change it.
If you know me or have read my story, you know that things haven’t been easy for me lately. I’ve been in pain, I can’t work, I’ve been let down by the very system I trained so hard to be a part of, I felt like I was slowly losing touch with reality. I was alone so often and completely lost. I felt like I had no choice but to accept that this was my life and it might never change.
With a firm, and at the time unwelcome, push to find an alternative route to recovery, I came across my now physio. I told him my situation and he came up with a way to help me. To be honest, I didn’t hold out much hope that he could change things. I could do very little and was on a lot of painkillers. The doctors had pretty much given up on me, but what did I have to lose?
Shockwave therapy, acupuncture and deep tissue massage was the plan. Torture is what it felt like. This guy was so good at inflicting pain on me that I started to wonder if he was some sadistic weirdo that got off on hurting others. It was never a serious thought, but after my first few sessions, being barely able to walk and taking days to recover, it did cross my mind every now and then.
It didn’t take long though to start noticing a difference. Bit by bit I could do more. I didn’t hurt quite as bad. And I found out that this guy is the nicest and most generous person I have ever met. We talked during the sessions and you knew that he was actually listening. He gave a shit and I didn’t realise how much I actually needed that.
I’m not back to “normal” just yet, whatever that is but I know if anyone is going to get me there it’s him. I haven’t just found an amazing physio (which he is and I tell everyone I know to go to him), I’ve also found an awesome friend. Something that doesn’t come easy to me. I owe him a lot and I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to repay him.